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I do remember in high school I wanted to be a disc jockey.

Calvin Trillin

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Calvin Trillin
Age: 89
Born: 1935
Born: December 5
Journalist
Novelist
Poet
Kansas City
Missouri
Calvin Marshall Trillin
School
Remember
Wanted
Jockey
Disc
Jockeys
Discs
High

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I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.
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If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?
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Marriage is not merely sharing the fettucini, but sharing the burden of finding the fettucini restaurant in the first place.
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When it comes to Chinese food I have always operated under the policy that the less known about the preparation the better. A wise diner who is invited to visit the kitchen replies by saying, as politely as possible, that he has a pressing engagement elsewhere.
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What campaigns are for is weeding out the people who, for one way or another, weren't making it for the long haul.
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Canadians are very well behaved, they don't throw their food.
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The Banh Mi sandwich is really the only good argument for colonialism.
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Everything was blamed on Castro. Mudslides in California. The fact that you can't buy a decent tomato anymore. Was there an exceptionally high pollen count in Massapequa, Long Island, one day? It was Castro, exporting sneezes.
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How did Italy manage to end up with no Caribbean islands at all? Christopher Columbus took the trouble to discover the Caribbean personally before the end of the fifteenth century. Try to get a decent plate of spaghetti there now.
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Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.
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Following the Rumanian tradition, garlic is used in excess to keep the vampires away... Following the Jewish tradition, a dispenser of schmaltz (liquid chicken fat) is kept on the table to give the vampires heartburn if they get through the garlic defense.
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It was a given in our family that my father was a grocer so that I wouldn't have to be.
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Avoid restaurants with names that are improbable descriptions, such as the Purple Goose, the Blue Kangaroo or the Quilted Orangutan.
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Anybody who doesn't think that the best hamburger place in teh world is in his home town is a sissy.
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If bumblebee leavings and stump paste are so good for you, why can't any of those guys (in the health stores) grow full beards?
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A new regulation for the publishing industry: The advance for a book must be larger than the check for the lunch at which it was discussed.
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There's always a source for humor.
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Law professors were never like economics professors, a Harvard Law professor told me. If you disagreed with someone, you didn't call him a fool.
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Before I was born [my father] wanted me to go specifically to Yale, which he thought would help. It was easy for him to think I could be president: he didn't have to worry about being president himself, being ineligible because he wasn't born in the United States.
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In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while his article is still on the presses.
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