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If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.
Brian Regan
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Brian Regan
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More quotes by Brian Regan
Relevance is kind of a weird thing. If one does topical material, it makes sense to want to be relevant. But if someone talks about donut sprinkles, it's not quite as important. Unless the U.S. Supreme Court makes a decision outlawing donut sprinkles.
Brian Regan
You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open TWO jars! I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars... cltaning, who KNOWS how many knives!?
Brian Regan
I don't know. I'd be a lot better off if I would've studied more when I was growing up, you know?
Brian Regan
I could go for a sandwich, but I’m not gonna open two jars.
Brian Regan
I don't always see humor in things. Especially when I smash my pinky toe into a coffee table leg in the middle of the night. But sometimes I'll see things, or experience things, that make me go, Huh, maybe that's a bit.
Brian Regan
Superhero power... I probably would just want to fly. I definitely would not want to be able to see through walls. I think walls are there for a reason. People put them up for a reason. You don't want to be looking through them. That would only cause nothing but misery and angst to know what's happening behind people's walls.
Brian Regan
A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road.
Brian Regan
Many comedians consider themselves to be cutting edge. But why do we have to use the knife for the analogy. Let's use the spoon. I like to consider myself the big bowl-like area of the spoon that holds all the stuff you like.
Brian Regan
The big yellow one is the sun!
Brian Regan
Don't like when sports interviewers force answers: Are you dedicating this game to your sick grandmother? What's the guy supposed to say?
Brian Regan
Hey, you know who I feel bad for? Arab-Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting.
Brian Regan
You can microwave a Pop Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to toast a Pop Tart? A minute and a half if you want it dark? People don't have that kind of time? Listen, if you need to zap-fry your Pop Tarts before you head out the door, you might want to loosen up your schedule.
Brian Regan
The bigger the show, the weirder it is.
Brian Regan
Don't let dialog about your company happen without your perspective.
Brian Regan
When you're onstage, it's a communication technique when you make people laugh. You're communicating. You're communicating with other human beings and when they laugh you know that you're connecting. Laughing is an honest reaction and it's something that I can trust, and I love that feeling of knowing that I connected.
Brian Regan
If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ?
Brian Regan
I don't sit down with a goal of writing. I read books or magazines. I watch TV. I go to the doctor. I get on airplanes. I live a normal life and sometimes I'll notice something or read things or experience things.
Brian Regan
Why are people getting on elevators shocked to find people getting off elevators?
Brian Regan
I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't do anything on the whole hour - nothing - just fast forwarding: can't do that, can't do that - I know I can't do that. This woman in a soothing voice: 'Simply take the bottom of your right foot and place it on the small of your back.
Brian Regan
You ever say a phrase you say all the time at the wrong time, feel like a complete idiot? Something like, 'You, too. You, too.' I was getting out of the cab at the airport, and the driver goes, 'Hey, have a nice flight.' 'You, too. You, too. You have a nice flight, too - in case you ever fly some day.
Brian Regan