Quote

I went to the juice isle, I learned something. Cranberries are taking over everything. What do you got, apples? Put some cranberrise in there, make it 50/50. Cran-apple. Grapes? Cran-grape. Mangos? Cran-mango. Pork chops? Cran-chop!

Brian Regan

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Brian Regan
Learned
Isle
Went
Chop
Everything
Pork
Something
Grapes
Make
Juice
Mango
Apple
Cranberries
Apples
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Grape

More quotes by Brian Regan

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I always hate having to use the equipment after these huge buff guys who move, like, the entire rack of plates. Then I get on, and move two plates, you know like: CLANK! CLANK! I'm the two plate guy! CLANK! CLANK! Anyone wanna spot me? CLANK! CLANK!
Brian Regan
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Like, I'm trying to make a statement that clean comedy is somehow better or loftier than dirty comedy, and I don't feel that way at all. I just think it's different. It's different. There's rock music, there's jazz music, there's reggae music: All of those forms are different.
Brian Regan
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You can microwave a Pop Tart. That just blew me away that you could do that. How long does it take to toast a Pop Tart? A minute and a half if you want it dark? People don't have that kind of time? Listen, if you need to zap-fry your Pop Tarts before you head out the door, you might want to loosen up your schedule.
Brian Regan
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Even though I have fond feelings for comedy clubs, I enjoy the focus you get in a theater. Comedy clubs are a different animal. People are being served nachos and there's a blender going off in the background.
Brian Regan
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I am happy doing standup so I don't ever want to stop doing it. But I wouldn't mind venturing off and doing other things that are creative.
Brian Regan
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Don't let dialog about your company happen without your perspective.
Brian Regan
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I took a speed reading course and my speed shot up to 43 pages a minute, but my comprehension plummeted.
Brian Regan
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I'm always excited about my upcoming shows. I love what I do I feel very lucky to be able to do what I do, and I never get tired of it. Every time I'm backstage before a show and I feel the murmur of the crowd, it's just incredibly exciting. And I consider myself very fortunate to be able to do this for a job. It's a great life.
Brian Regan
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I go in for the eye test, and I don't know about you, but I concentrate like crazy during the eye exam. You don't want to get no 'D' on that thing and end up with these big thick Coke bottle glasses.
Brian Regan
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I never learn. Like a waitress will bring my meal. Hey, enjoy your meal. You, too. But you don't have one, do ya? I'm a dufus. If you do eat enjoy it when you eat it if you have a break or something, later. If you get an opportunity. That's all I'm trying to say.
Brian Regan
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I like to go on stage with a variety, with some stuff that's been around for a handful of years, some stuff from the last year, some stuff is from last week, and some stuff is brand spanking new. Those are the moments that excite me - when I'm coming up to a brand new bit. The more virgin the snow, the more fun it is to run on.
Brian Regan
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I wasn't expecting to really draw in respected comedians but it's going to happen along the way and I'm truly honored by that.
Brian Regan
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If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.
Brian Regan
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I could go for a sandwich, but I’m not gonna open two jars.
Brian Regan
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I'm honored that other comedians like what I do. That means the world to me. But at the same time when I'm on stage I'm not just trying to make the comedians laugh - I'm also trying to make the audience laugh. I want to make everybody laugh.
Brian Regan
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I try my jokes onstage. The only way to really find out if something is going to work is to try it on stage, and I try to be careful and bookend something new with a strong bit before and a strong bit afterwards. But it's fun to run on virgin snow. I like that feeling onstage of creating new footprints and not knowing what's going to happen.
Brian Regan
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I do a few jokes about the economy but from an everyday person perspective. People like to laugh, and they especially like to laugh during difficult circumstances.
Brian Regan
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I drove myself to the Emergency Room. That's a nice relaxing drive. Noooo, after you. Merge-everybody merge.
Brian Regan
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Do people who believe in reincarnation ever say, Darn, I'm still writing the year 1612 on my checks!
Brian Regan
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If reading makes you smart then how come when you read a book they have to put the title of the book on the top of every single page? Does anyone get halfway through a book, What the hell am I reading?
Brian Regan