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When a soldier of the night's watch dies they say, And now his watch is over. That's what they say when a comedian dies. They go, And now his tour is done.

Brad Williams

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Brad Williams
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More quotes by Brad Williams

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I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.
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There are plenty of wonderful, good fat people in the USA that have no problems being fat, who I have no problems with being fat.
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I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That's the constant. That's the thing that I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.
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I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.
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I'm funny because I'm funny. And there's more to offer.
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I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.
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I'm in awe of comics that do things that I can't do, or haven't tried doing yet.
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I kind of want to know a little bit about everything.
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Yeah, people do need to realize that just because they've seen me perform for an hour does not mean that we are now close.
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I don't get all the anger that is thrown at comedians.
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Every now and then we're going to fail.
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If I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards and says, That joke offended me, I'm still more or less not going to listen, but at least it makes sense, like I said something that was about them.
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I just don't get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That's where jokes happen.
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If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you'd be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.
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I don't think I'm extremely intelligent by any means.
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I'm such a damn workaholic, that it's interesting to be like, Oh, what do I do for fun?
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I try not to be hateful.
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It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.
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I like to play video games, I like to keep up with sports, and I just like to spend time with people, because I'm on the road so much that when I'm home, I like to spend time with people that I don't normally get to see.
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Most of the times to be honest with you, I get sexually harassed certainly more than I do to females, because... they are comfortable with me, and because they know I can't take it to a dangerous place.
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