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People ask me a lot like, Hey, so when are you done with your tour? Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.

Brad Williams

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Brad Williams
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More quotes by Brad Williams

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There are plenty of wonderful, good fat people in the USA that have no problems being fat, who I have no problems with being fat.
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I'm in awe of comics that do things that I can't do, or haven't tried doing yet.
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I don't get all the anger that is thrown at comedians.
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I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.
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If I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards and says, That joke offended me, I'm still more or less not going to listen, but at least it makes sense, like I said something that was about them.
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The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.
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I kind of want to know a little bit about everything.
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I don't know, why am I called the opposite of what I am? It's very confusing to me.
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I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That's the constant. That's the thing that I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.
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I don't want to be mean. I try not to be.
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I just don't get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That's where jokes happen.
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Most of the times to be honest with you, I get sexually harassed certainly more than I do to females, because... they are comfortable with me, and because they know I can't take it to a dangerous place.
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Yeah, people do need to realize that just because they've seen me perform for an hour does not mean that we are now close.
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I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.
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It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.
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I was a disabled child. So, people made fun of me, don't pretend like this never happens. But at the same time, I never cried about it. I never got sad about it.
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I'm funny because I'm funny. And there's more to offer.
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It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.
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Every now and then we're going to fail.
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I'm in awe of comedians that do things that I can't do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be - hell, Carrot Top. I can't be Carrot Top. I can't.
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