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I'm in awe of comedians that do things that I can't do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be - hell, Carrot Top. I can't be Carrot Top. I can't.

Brad Williams

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I don't know, why am I called the opposite of what I am? It's very confusing to me.
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It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.
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I'm in awe of comics that do things that I can't do, or haven't tried doing yet.
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There are plenty of wonderful, good fat people in the USA that have no problems being fat, who I have no problems with being fat.
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If I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards and says, That joke offended me, I'm still more or less not going to listen, but at least it makes sense, like I said something that was about them.
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If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you'd be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.
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I try not to be hateful.
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Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.
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Yeah, people do need to realize that just because they've seen me perform for an hour does not mean that we are now close.
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When a soldier of the night's watch dies they say, And now his watch is over. That's what they say when a comedian dies. They go, And now his tour is done.
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Every now and then we're going to fail.
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When you talk about modern comedy I think there's a big three right now, and that's Louis C.K., Bill Burr, and Jim Jefferies. I don't think anyone's doing it better than those three guys.
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It's extremely important for people to be informed and to be educated and to know what's going in their community and in their country, but every now and then you just kind of want to turn the brain off for a little bit and just laugh and be silly.
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I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.
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I'm funny because I'm funny. And there's more to offer.
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I'm such a damn workaholic, that it's interesting to be like, Oh, what do I do for fun?
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I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That's the constant. That's the thing that I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.
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I don't want to be mean. I try not to be.
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The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.
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