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I'm in awe of comedians that do things that I can't do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be - hell, Carrot Top. I can't be Carrot Top. I can't.

Brad Williams

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More quotes by Brad Williams

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The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.
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I try not to be hateful.
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I don't know, why am I called the opposite of what I am? It's very confusing to me.
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Most of the times to be honest with you, I get sexually harassed certainly more than I do to females, because... they are comfortable with me, and because they know I can't take it to a dangerous place.
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Every now and then we're going to fail.
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It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.
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People ask me a lot like, Hey, so when are you done with your tour? Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.
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When a soldier of the night's watch dies they say, And now his watch is over. That's what they say when a comedian dies. They go, And now his tour is done.
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I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That's the constant. That's the thing that I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.
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I like to play video games, I like to keep up with sports, and I just like to spend time with people, because I'm on the road so much that when I'm home, I like to spend time with people that I don't normally get to see.
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I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.
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I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.
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When you talk about modern comedy I think there's a big three right now, and that's Louis C.K., Bill Burr, and Jim Jefferies. I don't think anyone's doing it better than those three guys.
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I don't think I'm extremely intelligent by any means.
Brad Williams
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Yeah, people do need to realize that just because they've seen me perform for an hour does not mean that we are now close.
Brad Williams
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I was a disabled child. So, people made fun of me, don't pretend like this never happens. But at the same time, I never cried about it. I never got sad about it.
Brad Williams
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If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you'd be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.
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I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.
Brad Williams
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I don't get all the anger that is thrown at comedians.
Brad Williams
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If I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards and says, That joke offended me, I'm still more or less not going to listen, but at least it makes sense, like I said something that was about them.
Brad Williams