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The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.

Brad Williams

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I don't think I'm extremely intelligent by any means.
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When a soldier of the night's watch dies they say, And now his watch is over. That's what they say when a comedian dies. They go, And now his tour is done.
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I'm not going to talk too much politics because I'm not smart enough to do that.
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I don't want to be mean. I try not to be.
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It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.
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I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.
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I'm funny because I'm funny. And there's more to offer.
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I'm in awe of comics that do things that I can't do, or haven't tried doing yet.
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I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.
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When you talk about modern comedy I think there's a big three right now, and that's Louis C.K., Bill Burr, and Jim Jefferies. I don't think anyone's doing it better than those three guys.
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It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.
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I don't know, why am I called the opposite of what I am? It's very confusing to me.
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I try not to be hateful.
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Every now and then we're going to fail.
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I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That's the constant. That's the thing that I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.
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I like to talk about very different topics. I like to jump around a lot because I don't want people to come see me and then for an hour I tell jokes about being a little person. I just don't want that to happen. I understand that it's part of me, that's the first thing that you notice and it's something that people are curious about.
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People ask me a lot like, Hey, so when are you done with your tour? Like when I die. That's when I'm done with my tour.
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I don't get all the anger that is thrown at comedians.
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If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you'd be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.
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I'm in awe of comedians that do things that I can't do, whether it be a one-liner comic like Anthony Jeselnik, whether it be social issues commentary, whether it be - hell, Carrot Top. I can't be Carrot Top. I can't.
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