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If you got a hit every third time that you went up to bat in the major leagues, you'd be the greatest hitter of all time. I think my average is a little better than that.

Brad Williams

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More quotes by Brad Williams

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The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A, never going to see me in the first place, or, B, were dragged to see me by somebody else.
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I just don't get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That's where jokes happen.
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I try not to be hateful.
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When a soldier of the night's watch dies they say, And now his watch is over. That's what they say when a comedian dies. They go, And now his tour is done.
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I'm such a damn workaholic, that it's interesting to be like, Oh, what do I do for fun?
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If I make a joke about black people or Asian people or whatever, and then an Asian comes up to me afterwards and says, That joke offended me, I'm still more or less not going to listen, but at least it makes sense, like I said something that was about them.
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I don't get to the global issues or anything like that. I am just trying to be silly.
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I like to play video games, I like to keep up with sports, and I just like to spend time with people, because I'm on the road so much that when I'm home, I like to spend time with people that I don't normally get to see.
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I don't think I'm extremely intelligent by any means.
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I want to go to Australia so bad, do comedy there, and see the people there. It's a great country. I have friends that are Australian that have told me all about it. I want to do comedy there.
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Every now and then we're going to fail.
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It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.
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Everyone's extremely and easily offended now.
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I don't get all the anger that is thrown at comedians.
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I'm funny because I'm funny. And there's more to offer.
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I would love, obviously, just to keep doing stand-up. That's the constant. That's the thing that I'm going to do for the rest of my life, but also I would like a TV show at some point.
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I'm not going to talk too much politics because I'm not smart enough to do that.
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When you talk about modern comedy I think there's a big three right now, and that's Louis C.K., Bill Burr, and Jim Jefferies. I don't think anyone's doing it better than those three guys.
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I was always the funny guy. Everyone wants to hang out with the funny guy.
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It takes a surprisingly large amount of intelligence to be a professional idiot.
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