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When one door closes another door opens. Usually a refrigerator.

Bonnie McFarlane

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Bonnie McFarlane
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: March 28
Comedian
Podcaster
Stand-Up Comedian
Usually
Refrigerator
Doors
Refrigerators
Opportunity
Closes
Another
Heartbreak
Encouraging
Opens
Encouragement
Door

More quotes by Bonnie McFarlane

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I think it's creepy if a guy says, I would never hit a girl. Cause that should go without saying. That's like if you ever heard a guy go, I would never crap in a hot tub.
Bonnie McFarlane
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I guess the biggest issue my husband and I are going to have is how do we raise the baby... because he's Jewish and I'm Protestant and the baby's father is Catholic.
Bonnie McFarlane
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Intellectually, I think everyone really knows that women are funny, but it's a weird thing that people keep trotting out.
Bonnie McFarlane
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I saw the head of NOW - National Organization of Women - saying that women still only make 70 cents on the dollar to every man. I'm not sure I'm going to believe that. Women are notoriously bad at math.
Bonnie McFarlane
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I've been called a racist before, and let me tell you something - that is harsh. That's a really ugly thing to call someone. That's like being called a Mexican.
Bonnie McFarlane
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If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.
Bonnie McFarlane
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Well I grew up in Canada in a really small town. We didn't have running water for a long time and we didn't have TV. Then when we did get TV we only had one channel.
Bonnie McFarlane
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I've always wanted to be a writer. Always been very creative. I always laughed at things that the rest of my family would sort of get angry, like not understand.
Bonnie McFarlane
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I love my hunting dog. I loved my hunting dog - I'm not very good at hunting.
Bonnie McFarlane
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Just a tip if you have a big event to go to or an important meeting, if you cry enough your face swells up giving you a temporary lift.
Bonnie McFarlane
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There's no such thing as a feminist - just women who pay for their own breast implants.
Bonnie McFarlane
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When you're pregnant, people feel like they can come up and give you unsolicited advice. When I was nine months pregnant, this one woman came up and she said, I have one word for you: epidural. And I was like, Oh my God, thanks. But we already picked a name.
Bonnie McFarlane
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I grew up in a mixed religious household. And it was volatile. My dad's atheist, my mom's agnostic. Just constant fighting. There's no God! There might be!
Bonnie McFarlane
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When I first started doing stand-up, I would be so nervous that I would just binge drink really heavily right before my sets, and as you can imagine, that had its drawbacks. But now I'm a professional, so I pace myself throughout the day.
Bonnie McFarlane
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You know, women are burdened with all this other crap all the time, like looking good. You need to be really superhuman to be successful as a woman.
Bonnie McFarlane
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If you really are superior, you don't go around saying you're superior - unless you're Jewish.
Bonnie McFarlane