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My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?

Bob Saget

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Bob Saget
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: May 17
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Robert Lane Saget
Fall
Ten
Like
Dad
Mom
Dollars
Sex
Thousand
Videotape
Winning
Falls
Funny
Bed

More quotes by Bob Saget

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I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, 'Radio can wait, take me to the Full House house.' It literally was a drive-by. I photobombed the Full House house yesterday. I took like 20 pictures because I thought I didn't look good in any of these - you can't see the house! You gotta really show that that's the house!
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I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.
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They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?
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My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.
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I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they're going to see it, especially her guy friends.
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I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce....I thought he was missing.
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When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you'd want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?
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Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that?
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It's okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
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What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
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I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.
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A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.
Bob Saget
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My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.
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I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.
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I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
Bob Saget
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I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.
Bob Saget
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Nobody can tell me what I can or can't do, except they can.
Bob Saget
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The greatness of a man is only measured by his urologist.
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I like to approach every day like it's my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
Bob Saget
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And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You'd be nervous too if you knew that one day you'd get your head cut off and... filled with stuffing.
Bob Saget