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My dad's like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?

Bob Saget

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Bob Saget
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: May 17
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Robert Lane Saget
Dollars
Sex
Thousand
Videotape
Winning
Falls
Funny
Bed
Fall
Ten
Like
Dad
Mom

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I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
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Full House was a show that was done for ten-year-olds. The critics hated it. They said terrible, terrible things about it. But it should have been reviewed by ten-year-olds. That's who it was made for. They loved it. And if they loved it, great. Why the hell does a fifty-year-old guy working at a big newspaper have to tell me I'm a piece of crap?
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If you go with Marshall McLuhan's theory that the medium is the message, as soon as you're hosting a blooper show, you're done.
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When you have a good time there is no time.
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Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.
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It's so nice to share a day as beautiful as this one with hundreds of thousands of reckless drivers.
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I have a feeling I'm going to wake up one day and say 'I can't do dirty stuff anymore, I want to go all clean.' I'll do clean stuff too, I like to entertain people. Then they egged me on we shot it at The Laugh Factory.
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Apparently my street has a leaf blower gang who tag team all day, so the sounds of the leaf blower are forever blowing from dawn to dusk.
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Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don't eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
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No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.
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All I've ever done is try to entertain my way through a life that often has a huge amount of heaviness in it.
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What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
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I love watching people get hit in the crotch. But only if they get back up. If their teeth are bleeding, if they're really hurt, if an ambulance has to come, I'm not laughing.
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Soon, I'm going to meet somebody around my own age, and she's going to be smart and beautiful, and I'm going to date her daughter.
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I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet.
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It's okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
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I will always prefer a hardback book, but I'm drawn to digital because it's so easy to acquire them when I'm having a need-to-read moment.
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I have no plan except to take care of the people I love.
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Valuable people are undervalued.
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I like to approach every day like it's my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
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