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I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?

Bob Saget

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Bob Saget
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: May 17
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Robert Lane Saget
Full
Closes
Another
Opens
Doe
Nuts
Firsts
Believer
First
Opening
Always
Speed
Door
Knob
Doors
Knobs

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I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.
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My confidence wavers between being genuine and being insecure.
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I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
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My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
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What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
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When you have a good time there is no time.
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I was going to do a big radio show, and I said to my driver, 'Radio can wait, take me to the Full House house.' It literally was a drive-by. I photobombed the Full House house yesterday. I took like 20 pictures because I thought I didn't look good in any of these - you can't see the house! You gotta really show that that's the house!
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It think acceptance levels sort of swings back and forth. Like in the 60's there was a lot more freedom with sex that doesn't exist today. Language has gotten pushed a bit farther and violence is way far out.
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I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
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What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.
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It's a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is - reading the news or speaking to people.
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I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.
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Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
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My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.
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My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.
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Nobody can tell me what I can or can't do, except they can.
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It's okay to get stoned, as long as its not by other people.
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Apparently my street has a leaf blower gang who tag team all day, so the sounds of the leaf blower are forever blowing from dawn to dusk.
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A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.
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I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet.
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