Quote

What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

Bob Saget

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Bob Saget
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: May 17
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Robert Lane Saget
Kitchen
Car
Asks
Crotch
Scissors
Touches
Remind
Girlfriend

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I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.
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Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.
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What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.
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Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.
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I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.
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Some dead people said smart stuff.
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Concerned we're in a time where politicians can't even fake sincerity. Aren't they supposed to be good at that?
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Full House was a show that was done for ten-year-olds. The critics hated it. They said terrible, terrible things about it. But it should have been reviewed by ten-year-olds. That's who it was made for. They loved it. And if they loved it, great. Why the hell does a fifty-year-old guy working at a big newspaper have to tell me I'm a piece of crap?
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Saw a man in Whole Foods yelling at his son, What are you doing?! You know I don't eat bread!! Is there such a thing as health food abuse?
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No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.
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I just did a play in New York which has been my best experience that Ive had for maybe ever. It was Paul Weitzs play called Privilege and I was in New York for three months.
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I like to approach every day like it's my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
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I will always prefer a hardback book, but I'm drawn to digital because it's so easy to acquire them when I'm having a need-to-read moment.
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My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
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I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
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And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You'd be nervous too if you knew that one day you'd get your head cut off and... filled with stuffing.
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I'm a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?
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I don't censor myself, but I don't want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
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Nobody can tell me what I can or can't do, except they can.
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