Quote

What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?

Bob Saget

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Bob Saget
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: May 17
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
Robert Lane Saget
Scissors
Touches
Remind
Girlfriend
Kitchen
Car
Asks
Crotch

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Nobody can tell me what I can or can't do, except they can.
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Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, 'you don't mention that part here.' But that's what's interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.
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Just went to a lovely Catholic wedding. I need a drink. They didn't even offer us water. Well they did, but it was Holy water.
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If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.
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I can't do negative, needy, or narcissistic anymore. Oh wait, I can still do the last one, aw nuts.
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I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet.
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I will always prefer a hardback book, but I'm drawn to digital because it's so easy to acquire them when I'm having a need-to-read moment.
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And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You'd be nervous too if you knew that one day you'd get your head cut off and... filled with stuffing.
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I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman's face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce....I thought he was missing.
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I don't like to drink alone 'cause there's nobody to fight with.
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I was on Entourage last week smoking a bong and making out with hookers and I did show them that before, cause it wasn't a hard 'r' cause a lot of people are watching that show that they know, not my little one - she's 12, but very sophisticated so it's an unusual case.
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I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.
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No one gets a free ride. Except maybe bus drivers.
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Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
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Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.
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What I've learned about comedy people is that they're defined by the harshest level they've been to, their personal Auschwitz.
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I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn't get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn't join a biker club.
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The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously - accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you're basically working in front of them during what could've been specifically 'quality time.'
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My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.
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They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?
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