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I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.

Bob Hope

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Bob Hope
Age: 100 †
Born: 1903
Born: May 29
Died: 2003
Died: July 27
Actor
Boxer
Comedian
Dancer
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Leslie Townes Hope
Leslie Hope
Lester Hope
Packy East
Firsts
Smoke
First
Program
Time
Trouble
Making
Understand
Missile
Money
Missiles
Government
Taxpayers
Ever
Holding

More quotes by Bob Hope

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I was there. I saw your sons and your husbands, your brothers and your sweethearts. I saw how they worked, played, fought, and lived. I saw some of them die. I saw more courage, more good humor in the face of discomfort, more love in an era of hate and more devotion to duty than could exist under tyranny.
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Our first stop was red square, the heart of Moscow - if Moscow has one.
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I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
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The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.
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I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.
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Democrats have an answer to the unemployment problem. They're all running for the Presidency.
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We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
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The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
Bob Hope
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The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
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As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete.
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I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
Bob Hope
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Louis B. Mayer came out west with $28.00, a box camera and an old lion. He built a monument to himself -- the Bank of America.
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I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.
Bob Hope
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Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
Bob Hope
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He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England
Bob Hope
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Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
Bob Hope
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I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
Bob Hope
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Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.
Bob Hope
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I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.
Bob Hope
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England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.
Bob Hope