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I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don't they just print our money with a return address on it?

Bob Hope

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Bob Hope
Age: 100 †
Born: 1903
Born: May 29
Died: 2003
Died: July 27
Actor
Boxer
Comedian
Dancer
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Leslie Townes Hope
Leslie Hope
Lester Hope
Packy East
Government
Addresses
Print
Taxes
Return
Politics
Perfect
Money
Simplified
Form
Address

More quotes by Bob Hope

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My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.
Bob Hope
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You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.
Bob Hope
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Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
Bob Hope
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She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
Bob Hope
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I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.
Bob Hope
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Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.
Bob Hope
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I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
Bob Hope
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Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.
Bob Hope
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Laughter is therapy-an instant vacation.
Bob Hope
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Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?
Bob Hope
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Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.
Bob Hope
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I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.
Bob Hope
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Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.
Bob Hope
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I was there. I saw your sons and your husbands, your brothers and your sweethearts. I saw how they worked, played, fought, and lived. I saw some of them die. I saw more courage, more good humor in the face of discomfort, more love in an era of hate and more devotion to duty than could exist under tyranny.
Bob Hope
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A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
Bob Hope
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I get upset over a bad shot just like anyone else. But it's silly to let the game get to you. When I miss a shot I just think what a beautiful day it is. And what pure fresh air I'm breathing. Then I take a deep breath. I have to do that. That's what gives me the strength to break the club.
Bob Hope
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There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.
Bob Hope
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When you get over 95, every day is your day.
Bob Hope
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Most of the people who came for dancing lessons had Rumba ambitions and minuet bodies
Bob Hope
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I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!
Bob Hope