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I have the perfect simplified tax form for government. Why don't they just print our money with a return address on it?
Bob Hope
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Bob Hope
Age: 100 †
Born: 1903
Born: May 29
Died: 2003
Died: July 27
Actor
Boxer
Comedian
Dancer
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Leslie Townes Hope
Leslie Hope
Lester Hope
Packy East
Perfect
Money
Simplified
Form
Address
Government
Addresses
Print
Taxes
Return
Politics
More quotes by Bob Hope
Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don't worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
Bob Hope
It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing.
Bob Hope
Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless.
Bob Hope
All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease.
Bob Hope
We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.
Bob Hope
Golf is my real profession. Entertainment is just a sideline. I tell jokes to pay my greens fees.
Bob Hope
Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It's going to get us out of the house after dark!
Bob Hope
I'm from Los Angeles... I don't trust any air I can't see.
Bob Hope
I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.
Bob Hope
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Bob Hope
I left England when I was four because I found out I could never be King.
Bob Hope
I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
Bob Hope
Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.
Bob Hope
There's a very apt saying in show business: If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick.
Bob Hope
I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?
Bob Hope
Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.
Bob Hope
When you get over 95, every day is your day.
Bob Hope
You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents extra, I come around to your house personally and wet your finger while you're turning the pages.
Bob Hope
The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles.
Bob Hope
I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.
Bob Hope
