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I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.

Bob Hope

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Bob Hope
Age: 100 †
Born: 1903
Born: May 29
Died: 2003
Died: July 27
Actor
Boxer
Comedian
Dancer
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Leslie Townes Hope
Leslie Hope
Lester Hope
Packy East
Years
Weeks
Fifty
Married
Marriage
Week
Five
Three
Home

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Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.
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Everybody is afraid they won't have any money after they die, but Jack Benny discovered a way to take it with him. He had his appendix taken out and a piggy bank put in.
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I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!
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When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
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Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.
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It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing.
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You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
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Don't people know that they don't have to heckle the president of the United States? That's what Congress is for.
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As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete.
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Did you see where President Reagan finally got a hearing aid? People have been telling him to get one for years, but he couldn't hear them.
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Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don't worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
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She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all.
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I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.
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If they liked you, they didn't applaud -- they let you live.
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Your ignorance cramps my conversation
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I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.
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I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns.
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I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.
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I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.
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We're on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It's a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.
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