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I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

Bob Hope

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Bob Hope
Age: 100 †
Born: 1903
Born: May 29
Died: 2003
Died: July 27
Actor
Boxer
Comedian
Dancer
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Leslie Townes Hope
Leslie Hope
Lester Hope
Packy East
Overweight
Beatles
Arrived
Pounds
England
Hair

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We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
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You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
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Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.
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I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.
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A few years ago he had a big heart transplant in Chicago, a five-hour operation. It took the doctors four hours to get him on the operating table.
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All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease.
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Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.
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Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
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A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
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I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
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I'd give up golf if I didn't have so many sweaters.
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Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy he's hit is already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
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There's a very apt saying in show business: If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick.
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I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.
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Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days - whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.
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Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.
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The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.
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I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.
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A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
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My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.
Bob Hope