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I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

Bob Hope

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Bob Hope
Age: 100 †
Born: 1903
Born: May 29
Died: 2003
Died: July 27
Actor
Boxer
Comedian
Dancer
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Leslie Townes Hope
Leslie Hope
Lester Hope
Packy East
Overweight
Beatles
Arrived
Pounds
England
Hair

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You know what a fan letter is - it's just an inky raspberry.
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The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
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If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right.
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Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I've never heard of a clean one.
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I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type.
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The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.
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Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.
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Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.
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A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
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I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.
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There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.
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We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.
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Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.
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All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It's in the lease.
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I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
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If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.
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I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.
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I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.
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I can still chase women, only downhill
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Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.
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