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Your ignorance cramps my conversation

Bob Hope

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Bob Hope
Age: 100 †
Born: 1903
Born: May 29
Died: 2003
Died: July 27
Actor
Boxer
Comedian
Dancer
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Leslie Townes Hope
Leslie Hope
Lester Hope
Packy East
Cramps
Ignorance
Conversation

More quotes by Bob Hope

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I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.
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Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.
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Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don't worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
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Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags.
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When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
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There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.
Bob Hope
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It gave dirty politics a bad name.
Bob Hope
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I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, 'What do I do next?' Pat replied, 'Wait till the pain dies down.'
Bob Hope
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I like to come to Washington, D.C., at least once a year. Why should my tax money travel more than I do?
Bob Hope
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Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.
Bob Hope
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Bing Crosby and I weren't the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be There's nothing I wouldn't do for Bing, and there's nothing he wouldn't do for me. And that's the way we go through life - doing nothing for each other!
Bob Hope
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Eisenhower admitted that the budget can't be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don't know what to worry about these days - whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.
Bob Hope
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The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.
Bob Hope
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You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor's age by the rings on her fingers.
Bob Hope
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There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.
Bob Hope
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Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?
Bob Hope
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Golf is a funny game. It's done much for health, and at the same time has ruined people by robbing them of their peace of mind. Look at me, I'm the healthiest idiot in the world.
Bob Hope
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The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life.
Bob Hope
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Take nine strokes off your score. Skip the last hole.
Bob Hope
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A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
Bob Hope