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When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

Bob Hope

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Bob Hope
Age: 100 †
Born: 1903
Born: May 29
Died: 2003
Died: July 27
Actor
Boxer
Comedian
Dancer
Film Actor
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Voice Actor
Leslie Townes Hope
Leslie Hope
Lester Hope
Packy East
Parents
Benny
Comedy
Orphanage
Parent
Jack
Actors
Shot
Something
Shots
Moved
Asked
Actor

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As the colonel and I sat swapping stories in the plane, a jet aircraft buzzed past our window. I asked the colonel what type of aircraft it was, and he said, Don't worry about it, Bob. . . if you can see it, it's obsolete.
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I can still chase women, only downhill
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A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?
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When you get over 95, every day is your day.
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If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
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I was there. I saw your sons and your husbands, your brothers and your sweethearts. I saw how they worked, played, fought, and lived. I saw some of them die. I saw more courage, more good humor in the face of discomfort, more love in an era of hate and more devotion to duty than could exist under tyranny.
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I'll tell 'ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.
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I'll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
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I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a sand trap. For that I have a caddie.
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After the 1984 Summer Olympics, Reagan wanted to add the U.S. volleyball team to his Cabinet. He figured if they can't shove his programs down Congress' throat, nobody can.
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The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
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I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.
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The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins.
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Everyone's nervous these days. Ronald McDonald has hired six bodyguards, and that's just to protect his buns.
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Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
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I've been married fifty-five years and I've been home three weeks.
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I once showed Pat Bradley my swing and said, 'What do I do next?' Pat replied, 'Wait till the pain dies down.'
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I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money go up in smoke.
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Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.
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I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.
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