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I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.

Bo Burnham

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Bo Burnham
Age: 34
Born: 1990
Born: August 21
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Musician
Pianist
Poet
Rapper
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Television Actor
Hamilton
Massachusetts
Robert Pickering Bo Burnham
Robert Pickering Burnham
Staring
Stop
Funny
Never

More quotes by Bo Burnham

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When things [writing] are over, I always think, 'well, I'm never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I'm going to go be a farmer'. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won't happen.
Bo Burnham
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Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.
Bo Burnham
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I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer
Bo Burnham
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Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
Bo Burnham
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I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.
Bo Burnham
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I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.
Bo Burnham
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Do you guys like impressions? Why? That was Socrates.
Bo Burnham
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I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity.
Bo Burnham
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I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone's watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.
Bo Burnham
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I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
Bo Burnham
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Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers? Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really good point, they should... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me!
Bo Burnham
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If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
Bo Burnham
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The average person has one Fallopian tube.
Bo Burnham
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Was Einstein's theory good? Relatively.
Bo Burnham
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I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
Bo Burnham
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In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.
Bo Burnham
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Nothing's true that I say, because I don't really want to say anything. I don't think my life's that cool, and I don't think my opinion's that valid. They're just silly jokes. Usually I just take a topic that isn't funny at all, like Shakespeare, and work backwards. I just try to find an unfunny subject.
Bo Burnham
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Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
Bo Burnham
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I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.
Bo Burnham
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I don't like calling myself a feminist only because I don't think I've done anything active enough to call myself one. It'd be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I'm not racist.
Bo Burnham