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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

Bo Burnham

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Bo Burnham
Age: 34
Born: 1990
Born: August 21
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Musician
Pianist
Poet
Rapper
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Television Actor
Hamilton
Massachusetts
Robert Pickering Bo Burnham
Robert Pickering Burnham
Squaring
Thirteen
Numbers
Head
Women
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More quotes by Bo Burnham

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I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy.
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I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
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I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it's totally not, which is why I'm trying to get away from it because it's just easy and automatic.
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And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.
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If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.
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I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.
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What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
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Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function.
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I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
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I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.
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Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers? Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really good point, they should... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me!
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The average person has one Fallopian tube.
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If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.
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I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to.
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I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.
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I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face.
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Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
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When things [writing] are over, I always think, 'well, I'm never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I'm going to go be a farmer'. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won't happen.
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Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?
Bo Burnham