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I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.

Bo Burnham

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Bo Burnham
Age: 34
Born: 1990
Born: August 21
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Musician
Pianist
Poet
Rapper
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Television Actor
Hamilton
Massachusetts
Robert Pickering Bo Burnham
Robert Pickering Burnham
Humor
Sterile
Stand
Couch
Funny
Couches
Always
Uncles
Pregnant
Girlfriend
Pull
Comic
Slouch

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I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
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I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.
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If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.
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I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.
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Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
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I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone's watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.
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I always wanted to be a comedian and actor. I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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When things [writing] are over, I always think, 'well, I'm never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I'm going to go be a farmer'. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won't happen.
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The average person has one Fallopian tube.
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For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet.
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What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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I don't want to try to recreate for no reason. Like, me in my bedroom, singing songs to a camera was a special thing that was at that time in my life. But I'm just not that kid. I like the format of it, but I want to be able to release things for free.
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When life gets you down, make a comforter!
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I'm interested in taboos for certain reasons. They can dramatise things and they're scary, and they're important to think about. I'm also wary about the fact that if you don't proceed with caution and understand what you're doing, you understand these things are realities that you're dealing with, they're real things.
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I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.
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I know it's the comedian's instinct to say, Do it, man, nothing's off-limits! It's cool, bro! I don't know if that's the answer for me. Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one? I don't worship comedy at the end of the day I don't fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.
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Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.
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My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that's a lovely addition.
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I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don't have a great ear. It's like a tragedy - I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.
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