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I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
Bo Burnham
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Bo Burnham
Age: 34
Born: 1990
Born: August 21
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Musician
Pianist
Poet
Rapper
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Television Actor
Hamilton
Massachusetts
Robert Pickering Bo Burnham
Robert Pickering Burnham
Funny
Couches
Always
Uncles
Pregnant
Girlfriend
Pull
Comic
Slouch
Humor
Sterile
Stand
Couch
More quotes by Bo Burnham
I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.
Bo Burnham
I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.
Bo Burnham
I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
Bo Burnham
I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.
Bo Burnham
I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
Bo Burnham
Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.
Bo Burnham
I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
Bo Burnham
Bitches and hoes don't exist because the hoes know Bo's a feminist.
Bo Burnham
All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
Bo Burnham
Nothing's true that I say, because I don't really want to say anything. I don't think my life's that cool, and I don't think my opinion's that valid. They're just silly jokes. Usually I just take a topic that isn't funny at all, like Shakespeare, and work backwards. I just try to find an unfunny subject.
Bo Burnham
When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.
Bo Burnham
When things [writing] are over, I always think, 'well, I'm never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I'm going to go be a farmer'. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won't happen.
Bo Burnham
I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
Bo Burnham
I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don't have a great ear. It's like a tragedy - I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.
Bo Burnham
I don't like calling myself a feminist only because I don't think I've done anything active enough to call myself one. It'd be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I'm not racist.
Bo Burnham
I always wanted to be a comedian and actor. I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.
Bo Burnham
Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
Bo Burnham
I'm interested in taboos for certain reasons. They can dramatise things and they're scary, and they're important to think about. I'm also wary about the fact that if you don't proceed with caution and understand what you're doing, you understand these things are realities that you're dealing with, they're real things.
Bo Burnham
If comedy is about surprises, about tension, there's a lot of tension and surprise there, in the fact that people are expecting this to be natural.
Bo Burnham
If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.
Bo Burnham
