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And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.

Bo Burnham

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Bo Burnham
Age: 34
Born: 1990
Born: August 21
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Musician
Pianist
Poet
Rapper
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Television Actor
Hamilton
Massachusetts
Robert Pickering Bo Burnham
Robert Pickering Burnham
Time
Gay
Chosen
Spends
Ten
Random
Percent
Odds
Humor
Knees
Free
Twenty
Funny
Chinese
Men
Twenties

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I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I... don't.
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Humour is often linked to shared experience. Like, a guy gets up and says, Have you noticed public restrooms have really inefficient hand-dryers? Oh my God, yes I have, hahaha, really good point, they should... fix that. It's good to know that somebody finally gets me!
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My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that's a lovely addition.
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If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.
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Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?
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I've found nothing but support and generosity from older comics. I think comedians are a lot nicer than the stigma is, at least from my experience.
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My first concern is that when you go to a show, you should be present. It's much more exciting to put the camera down and lose yourself in it.
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I do think that stand-up comedy in general heavily favors masculinity and so I like to act a little feminine onstage.
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I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don't have a great ear. It's like a tragedy - I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.
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The thing is, I was on YouTube like the golden era, I think. Before ads came in, it was really cool back then.
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Comedy is very strange to me and I don't fully understand it's purpose or function.
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I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face.
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All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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I know it's the comedian's instinct to say, Do it, man, nothing's off-limits! It's cool, bro! I don't know if that's the answer for me. Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one? I don't worship comedy at the end of the day I don't fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.
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Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.
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When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.
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I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
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In comedy, falling means laughter. You can take something sacred and make it silly. The more sacred it is, the funnier it is. It has a bigger drop to fall.
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I don't want to try to recreate for no reason. Like, me in my bedroom, singing songs to a camera was a special thing that was at that time in my life. But I'm just not that kid. I like the format of it, but I want to be able to release things for free.
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