Quote

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.

Bo Burnham

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Bo Burnham
Age: 34
Born: 1990
Born: August 21
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Musician
Pianist
Poet
Rapper
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Television Actor
Hamilton
Massachusetts
Robert Pickering Bo Burnham
Robert Pickering Burnham
Enough
Masturbate
Lows
Standards
Whose
Cause
Causes

More quotes by Bo Burnham

Image
I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
Bo Burnham
Image
I've found nothing but support and generosity from older comics. I think comedians are a lot nicer than the stigma is, at least from my experience.
Bo Burnham
Image
I don't try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.
Bo Burnham
Image
When I see someone filming me, I don't usually think, 'No, man, don't put this up online!' I'd think, 'Hey man, you don't get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!' I love going to theatre and to shows so much.
Bo Burnham
Image
I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they're listening to.
Bo Burnham
Image
Nothing's true that I say, because I don't really want to say anything. I don't think my life's that cool, and I don't think my opinion's that valid. They're just silly jokes. Usually I just take a topic that isn't funny at all, like Shakespeare, and work backwards. I just try to find an unfunny subject.
Bo Burnham
Image
I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
Bo Burnham
Image
I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
Bo Burnham
Image
Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
Bo Burnham
Image
The average person has one Fallopian tube.
Bo Burnham
Image
I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.
Bo Burnham
Image
I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
Bo Burnham
Image
Comedy should be a source of positivity. I don't want to bully people, and I don't want people to come to my show to feel terrible about something. I'm actually very open to having a conversation about what I should or shouldn't say.
Bo Burnham
Image
My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way. Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like... boys.
Bo Burnham
Image
Do you guys like impressions? Why? That was Socrates.
Bo Burnham
Image
I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in - and I never went.
Bo Burnham
Image
Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
Bo Burnham
Image
All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
Bo Burnham
Image
I'm friends with a lot of comedians, but we don't talk about material. Most comedians I know don't watch a lot of other comedy.
Bo Burnham
Image
I'm interested in taboos for certain reasons. They can dramatise things and they're scary, and they're important to think about. I'm also wary about the fact that if you don't proceed with caution and understand what you're doing, you understand these things are realities that you're dealing with, they're real things.
Bo Burnham