Quote

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Quarters
Identify
Pounder
Americans
Tartan
Simply
Kilt
Easy
Kilts
Tell
Mcdonald
Look
Scottish
Looks
Quarter

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I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
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I don't aim to offend.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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I'm one of the school of people who don't do research of the reality of the thing or the unreality of the thing. In all the movies I've done, I've never done any research.
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Never trust anybody with only one book.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I'm going back, but I'm not. I'd rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!
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I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it's like they're in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.
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