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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Easy
Kilts
Tell
Mcdonald
Look
Scottish
Looks
Quarter
Quarters
Identify
Pounder
Americans
Tartan
Simply
Kilt
More quotes by Billy Connolly
Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... wrll, it's because the national anthem is boring.
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.
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I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
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If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. Is this yours? she asked probably said Paddy she burns everything else
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The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That's what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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When people say it's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?
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All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.
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The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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I'm one of the school of people who don't do research of the reality of the thing or the unreality of the thing. In all the movies I've done, I've never done any research.
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Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn't an answer. It's a question.
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