Quote

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Function
Bruce
Body
Robert
Thing
Thrust
Functions
Absurdity
Cross
Main
Malfunction
Crosses
Lenny

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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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Outgrew the media... The negativity felt like a disease.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.
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Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born nowhere! It's over!
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Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it's like they're in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
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If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
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If you're going to do an interview about a movie or anything like that, you're vulnerable. You say stupid things. Or if you're applying for a green card you feel very vulnerable and you're likely to spout out something stupid in the middle of it all.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
Billy Connolly
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I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.
Billy Connolly
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
Billy Connolly