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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Without
Engineer
Joined
Engineers
Became
Becoming
Knowing
Welder
Wrong
Queue
Actually
Queues
More quotes by Billy Connolly
There's nothing like it, but it's not as good as you think it's going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club's badge - but not a sausage.
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The more you know the less the better.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting.
Billy Connolly
What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?
Billy Connolly
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
Billy Connolly
Don't die until you're dead.
Billy Connolly
I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
Billy Connolly
Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
Billy Connolly
A fart is just your arse applauding.
Billy Connolly
I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
Billy Connolly
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
Billy Connolly
Sometimes there's a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I've ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
Billy Connolly
Try to live in a place you like.
Billy Connolly
Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
Billy Connolly
Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
Billy Connolly
Never trust anybody with only one book.
Billy Connolly
The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.
Billy Connolly
Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
Billy Connolly
On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.
Billy Connolly