Quote

Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.

Billy Connolly

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Scissors
Objects
Running
Never
Pointy

More quotes by Billy Connolly

Image
If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.
Billy Connolly
Image
The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
Billy Connolly
Image
I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
Billy Connolly
Image
For me, it's about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
Billy Connolly
Image
I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy..
Billy Connolly
Image
Sometimes there's a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I've ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
Billy Connolly
Image
When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
Billy Connolly
Image
I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
Billy Connolly
Image
I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.
Billy Connolly
Image
I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.
Billy Connolly
Image
I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
Billy Connolly
Image
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?
Billy Connolly
Image
I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
Billy Connolly
Image
Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.
Billy Connolly
Image
There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.
Billy Connolly
Image
I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
Billy Connolly
Image
I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
Billy Connolly
Image
On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.
Billy Connolly
Image
Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
Billy Connolly
Image
Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?
Billy Connolly