Quote

Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, Did you fall? He said, No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Back
Fell
Bars
Street
Murray
Streets
Tryin
Told
Chic
Break
Pocket
Woman
Pockets
Fall
Chocolate

More quotes by Billy Connolly

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Don't die until you're dead.
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I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn't an answer. It's a question.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.
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There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
Billy Connolly
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.
Billy Connolly
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated events they're just magical wee moments when somebody says 'I love you' or 'You're a really good at what you do' or simply 'You're a good person'.
Billy Connolly
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
Billy Connolly
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There's nothing like it, but it's not as good as you think it's going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club's badge - but not a sausage.
Billy Connolly
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Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
Billy Connolly
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
Billy Connolly
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Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did it too! He'd hit me and shout, 'Have ye had enough?' Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? 'Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???'
Billy Connolly
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
Billy Connolly
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Billy Connolly