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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Think
Swings
Thinking
Heads
World
Round
People
Rounds
Language
Care
Take
Edwin
Needs
Swing
More quotes by Billy Connolly
Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it's like they're in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.
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I've been very lucky because I've always had movies to do. So if I got bored between shows a movie would turn up.
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,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?
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I've never done a comedy club in my life. It's weird because I don't have the same background as most comics. I don't have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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Never trust anybody with only one book.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.
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I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
Billy Connolly
[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.
Billy Connolly
Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
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If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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