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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Take
Edwin
Needs
Swing
Think
Swings
Thinking
Heads
World
Round
People
Rounds
Language
Care

More quotes by Billy Connolly

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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!
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The more you know the less the better.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?
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I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I'm going back, but I'm not. I'd rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated events they're just magical wee moments when somebody says 'I love you' or 'You're a really good at what you do' or simply 'You're a good person'.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
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I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
Billy Connolly
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Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time.
Billy Connolly
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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Try to live in a place you like.
Billy Connolly
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All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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