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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Killing
Havens
Haven
Members
Late
Audience
Thing
Arriving
Time
Missed
More quotes by Billy Connolly
Sometimes there's a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I've ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
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And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. It's the best in the world, he said. What type is it?, I asked and he said ten past twelve.
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I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
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When people say it's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.
Billy Connolly
Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.
Billy Connolly
When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
Billy Connolly
The more you know the less the better.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn't too nice a thing to do.
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I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.
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Never trust anybody with only one book.
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I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.
Billy Connolly
I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
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The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.
Billy Connolly
Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
Billy Connolly
Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
Billy Connolly
Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
Billy Connolly
