Quote

Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Bastards
Babies
Pretend
Baby
Dead
Purpose

More quotes by Billy Connolly

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I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Billy Connolly
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I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy..
Billy Connolly
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... wrll, it's because the national anthem is boring.
Billy Connolly
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Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.
Billy Connolly
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I don't aim to offend.
Billy Connolly
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
Billy Connolly
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I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.
Billy Connolly
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, Did you fall? He said, No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.
Billy Connolly
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
Billy Connolly
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If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
Billy Connolly
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There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.
Billy Connolly
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Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.
Billy Connolly
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.
Billy Connolly
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,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.
Billy Connolly
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I'm one of the school of people who don't do research of the reality of the thing or the unreality of the thing. In all the movies I've done, I've never done any research.
Billy Connolly
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Don't die until you're dead.
Billy Connolly
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
Billy Connolly
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
Billy Connolly
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I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
Billy Connolly
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, Has the bus come yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here?
Billy Connolly