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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
World
Lap
Scotland
Disgrace
Football
Team
Doe
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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For me, it's about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.
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Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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I just believe in the movie. I don't care what the book was like. I don't care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I've got.
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The more you know the less the better.
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When people say it's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
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Don't die until you're dead.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
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I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy..
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Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, Has the bus come yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here?
Billy Connolly
