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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Work
Humor
Things
Worry
Days
Morning
Guy
Funny
Drives
Keep
Awake
Doe
Ridiculous

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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, Did you fall? He said, No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. It's the best in the world, he said. What type is it?, I asked and he said ten past twelve.
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Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn't an answer. It's a question.
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I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy..
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That's what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.
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I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.
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A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it's like they're in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did it too! He'd hit me and shout, 'Have ye had enough?' Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? 'Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???'
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