Quote

And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. It's the best in the world, he said. What type is it?, I asked and he said ten past twelve.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Humor
Brand
Funny
Twelve
Brands
Past
Aids
Best
Ten
World
Hearing
Fitted
Asked
Mate
Type
Mates

More quotes by Billy Connolly

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When people say it's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, Has the bus come yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.
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,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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For me, it's about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
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A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!
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I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
Billy Connolly
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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it's folded.
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If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting.
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The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I'm going back, but I'm not. I'd rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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