Quote

Sometimes there's a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I've ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Seen
Tacks
Funny
Tack
Else
Caverns
Ever
Pinnacle
Sometimes
Route
Routes
Anywhere
Humor

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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy..
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Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn't an answer. It's a question.
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When people say it's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?
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All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.
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I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
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I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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Never trust anybody with only one book.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?
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