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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... wrll, it's because the national anthem is boring.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Numbers
Pounds
State
Boring
Values
Rate
Funny
National
States
Number
Blamed
Country
Value
Anthem
Things
Humor
Pound
Terrible
Unemployment

More quotes by Billy Connolly

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I've never done a comedy club in my life. It's weird because I don't have the same background as most comics. I don't have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.
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I don't aim to offend.
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I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
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I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated events they're just magical wee moments when somebody says 'I love you' or 'You're a really good at what you do' or simply 'You're a good person'.
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Oh aye...my Father would thrash me every now and then. He'd talk while he did it too! He'd hit me and shout, 'Have ye had enough?' Had enough? Whit kind of question is that? 'Why, Father, would another kick in the balls be out of the question???'
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
Billy Connolly
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I just believe in the movie. I don't care what the book was like. I don't care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I've got.
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.
Billy Connolly
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The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
Billy Connolly
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I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
Billy Connolly
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
Billy Connolly
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I've been very lucky because I've always had movies to do. So if I got bored between shows a movie would turn up.
Billy Connolly
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All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.
Billy Connolly
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What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?
Billy Connolly
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Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don't sit in the dark hiding. It's easy to hide and shout and waste people's time.
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I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
Billy Connolly
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When people say it's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?
Billy Connolly