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On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
White
Desks
Father
Buttons
House
George
Ends
Younger
Give
Bush
Button
Giving
Humor
Controls
Men
Television
Sits
World
Funny
Desk
More quotes by Billy Connolly
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting.
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I just believe in the movie. I don't care what the book was like. I don't care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I've got.
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For me, it's about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
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I've always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can't tell to an audience. There's a fine line you have to tread because you don't know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. Is this yours? she asked probably said Paddy she burns everything else
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,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.
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I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
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All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, Did you fall? He said, No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.
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When people say it's always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?
Billy Connolly
