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For me, it's about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Winning
Lion
Audience
Lions
Desire
Crowd
Crowds
Wild
Animals
Becomes
Tamer
Animal
Eaten

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Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
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If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting.
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I've never done a comedy club in my life. It's weird because I don't have the same background as most comics. I don't have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
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I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated events they're just magical wee moments when somebody says 'I love you' or 'You're a really good at what you do' or simply 'You're a good person'.
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If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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I don't like the beach. I think we have no business at the beach at all, as a species. We don't belong in the sea. The sea is full of things that bite us, sting us, hurt the soles of our feet, and it's extremely cold. When are we gonna take the hint that the things that live in the sea don't like us?
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I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
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I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.
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The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?
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