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I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy..

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Names
Guy
Known
America
Shout
Wells
Hey
Well
Britain
Much
Bigger
People
Name

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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think.
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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, Has the bus come yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here?
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Don't die until you're dead.
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Why are there no windows in the toilets on aeroplanes? To protect you from the most dedicated perverts on the planet, hanging off the wing to get a peep?
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I just believe in the movie. I don't care what the book was like. I don't care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I've got.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.
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When I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
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I hate those earnest TV documentaries that are the world according to people with glasses who know better than you.
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I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
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There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.
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I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.
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Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
Billy Connolly