Quote

,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Might
Rule
People
Places
Football
Unwritten
Goes
Scottish
Courses
Park
Course
Parks
Else
Soccer
Back
English

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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a haemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?
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I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
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There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.
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I love fishing. It's transcendental meditation with a punchline.
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The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.
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I like Salvador Dali and Rene Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
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What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?
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I'm one of the school of people who don't do research of the reality of the thing or the unreality of the thing. In all the movies I've done, I've never done any research.
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I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.
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I just believe in the movie. I don't care what the book was like. I don't care what the previous film was like or other films were like. I care only about the script I've got.
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Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.
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If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think.
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I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.
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If you're going to do an interview about a movie or anything like that, you're vulnerable. You say stupid things. Or if you're applying for a green card you feel very vulnerable and you're likely to spout out something stupid in the middle of it all.
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