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In Mexico, everything on the menu is the same dish. The only difference is the way it's folded.
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Travel
Difference
Menu
Differences
Folded
Funny
Menus
Everything
Dish
Way
Insightful
Dishes
Mexico
More quotes by Billy Connolly
Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I've never done a comedy club in my life. It's weird because I don't have the same background as most comics. I don't have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn't an answer. It's a question.
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I've been a poser for f--ing years. I say, pose your arse off. You know, have a laugh.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.
Billy Connolly
If you haven't heard a good rumour by 11:00am, start one.
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The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
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The more you know the less the better.
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There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.
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A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!
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For me, it's about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... wrll, it's because the national anthem is boring.
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I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.
Billy Connolly
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
Billy Connolly
I don't like the beach. I think we have no business at the beach at all, as a species. We don't belong in the sea. The sea is full of things that bite us, sting us, hurt the soles of our feet, and it's extremely cold. When are we gonna take the hint that the things that live in the sea don't like us?
Billy Connolly
My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
Billy Connolly