Quote

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. Is this yours? she asked probably said Paddy she burns everything else

Billy Connolly

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Billy Connolly
Age: 81
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Funny
Handed
Black
Asked
Else
Baby
Everything
Room
Humor
Paddy
Rooms
Midwife
Comedy
Delivery
Probably
Burns

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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn't too nice a thing to do.
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For me, it's about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don't care what you think.
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Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born nowhere! It's over!
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I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I'm going back, but I'm not. I'd rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
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Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
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I don't aim to offend.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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Never run with scissors or other pointy objects.
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Outgrew the media... The negativity felt like a disease.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That's what girls do. I think I am a girl really.
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The more you know the less the better.
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I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy..
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My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.
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The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.
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All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
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