Quote

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.

Billy Connolly

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Feels
Race
Sexuality
Needs
Someone
Joke
Men
Women
Somewhere
Ever
Jokes
Human
Sex
Homosexuality
Humans
Playing
Apparently
Need
Loved
Practicals
Feel
Started
Practical

More quotes by Billy Connolly

Image
The zombie sex, I have no idea. It must be like tantric sex.
Billy Connolly
Image
I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I'm desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I'm going back, but I'm not. I'd rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
Billy Connolly
Image
I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
Billy Connolly
Image
A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.
Billy Connolly
Image
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
Billy Connolly
Image
Try to catch a trout and experience the glorious feeling of letting it go and seeing it swimming away.
Billy Connolly
Image
Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
Billy Connolly
Image
Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
Billy Connolly
Image
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Billy Connolly
Image
,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they're all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.
Billy Connolly
Image
I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.
Billy Connolly
Image
I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
Billy Connolly
Image
Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, Did you fall? He said, No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.
Billy Connolly
Image
A fart is just your arse applauding.
Billy Connolly
Image
If you want to lose a bit of weight, don't eat anything out of a bucket.
Billy Connolly
Image
There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
Billy Connolly
Image
Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... wrll, it's because the national anthem is boring.
Billy Connolly
Image
Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born nowhere! It's over!
Billy Connolly
Image
Never trust anybody with only one book.
Billy Connolly
Image
There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.
Billy Connolly