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When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, Has the bus come yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here?
Billy Connolly
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Billy Connolly
Age: 82
Born: 1942
Born: November 24
Actor
Banjoist
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Guitarist
Screenwriter
Singer
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Sir William Connolly
Waiting
Funny
Someone
Come
Bus
Would
Witty
Standing
Came
Asks
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I don't aim to offend.
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I'm a citizen of the world. I like it that way. The world's a wonderful. I just think that some people are pretty badly represented. But when you speak to the people themselves they're delightful. They all want so little.
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They've been offending other people for centuries.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn't too nice a thing to do.
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Wisdom isn't an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn't an answer. It's a question.
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I've been very lucky because I've always had movies to do. So if I got bored between shows a movie would turn up.
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Learn to feel sorry for music because, although it is the international language, it has no swear words.
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Outgrew the media... The negativity felt like a disease.
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On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.
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I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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I?m much bigger in Britain than I am there. I'm well-known, but my name's That Guy in America. . . . People shout: Hey ? I know you! You're That Guy..
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Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!
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A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!
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